My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
