He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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