she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
