i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
