Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
