I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
