did you get engaged???
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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