we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
