I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
