You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
