She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
