New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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