he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
