and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
