Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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