smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
