she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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