Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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