We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
