I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
