I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
