i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
