I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
