His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am spending my child support on dildos
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
