Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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