I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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