she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish I could teleport
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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