I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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