my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
