I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
