I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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