In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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