That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
