Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
