I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
