She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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