last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
