Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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