you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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