I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
