i think i have two assholes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
