He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
