the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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