So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
