You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
