im drinking this country out of the recession.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
