I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
