It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
