It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
