I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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