**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
