I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
