Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
