so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
