and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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