my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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