Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
