this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
