Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
