My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
